conspiracy theory

I've been discussing with my co-worker about how hostile my work environment is. Also quite the subject of our discussion is how often strange situations and odd behaviors come to our attention in my environment(more like forcefully engage our attention). I have reached at a conclusion that if I compile the observations into a "fictional" book, using a pen name and replacing the names of the actual persons, and if such a book were to be published and to win a large number of target audience (ie. underpaid, overworked underdogs like myself), then... dare I say it, I won't have to work here anymore! What do you make of that?

It is no longer fall but...
WANT!!!

Status? - back at work from 4-day long holidays.

I can't help but lament that the holidays went by too soon for me to fully grasp the joy of being away from work, sleeping in, playing with my cats in daylight, and eating breakfast/lunch at home while watching TV. The disappointment of seeing my long weekend makes me wish I could work from my home or in an environment that I feel at home. Does it matter what my work is? I don't know really. I used to insist that my career must be in something that I enjoy doing, but in retrospect, I frankly jumped at any opportunity that had even a little to do with what I studied in school out of sheer panic. Not that I regret my choices, really. I probably picked the wrong major or even the wrong school to begin with though it really was not my choice since I did not protest against my parents spoon-feeding me the idea I needed to major in academics to have a decent life. It is all... um... relative, really. I don't know.

I got to work today early, said 'Hi' to the early birds, got a cup of coffee, sat at my desk to check my e-mails, took care of some loose ends from last week, and then I logged into my blog. Where to next?

BTW, Stephan's gone to Whistler for a family trip and he won't be back till Christmas.
Sigh... I guess that means I'll have to occupy my free time playing Beatles Rockband for the next couple of days.

I hate department lunches

So my department is being taken out for lunch today - kind of a Xmas/year-end 'thank you' luncheon thing before we hit the new year, I suppose.
Somehow I've been arranged into arranging the lunch - making reservation, taking everyone's orders and calling in the orders. Sounds easy enough... or so I thought.

Problem 1: we have a budget.
Problem 2: we all want appetizers/deserts.
Problem 3: manager/supervisor is not letting us exceed 1 hour of lunch time (including travel time).

I can't succumb to all these limitations! Even for a lunch out, we have to pull against budget, time, and efficiency.
Someone release me from this corporate chain!

mid-week blues

I'm feeling blue this morning. Dare I say it... life is getting me down.
I feel like I work everyday with no perks. (Yes, this is my quintessential routine mid-week my-life-blows ranting.)
I work full time and save up, help out my parents, and pay off my student loans and bills from paycheque to paycheque, left with absolutely no money to even tickle my selfish needs. Everyday repeats the same old way, and I feel restless with no excitement and no exceptional goals other than how to put my pudgy cat on a diet.
I read about people with much success whose big venture started with an idea, or a hobby out of their dull, mundane lives, and I think to myself 'how can I get there?' I look at my friends who work part time while in school, who present themselves with a new Calvin Klein clutch or a pair of beautiful patent leather boots every once in a little while, or take a spontaneous trip to Boston to spend time with their beau over the long weekend (while claiming they are as broke as ever), and think to myself what the hell am I doing wrong?
Am I jealous? No. Do I want those things? Hell, yeah. I'm only human, not a saint!
Anyway, here's to another day of the week, always looking forward to the weekend, and the splurge of the day will be a bag of chips, orange soda, and tabloid about Brangelina's troubled relationship. Ta.

Picture: NINON
From http://bkids.typepad.com/knockknock/

As soon as December came around, the weather became more unforgiving and ruthless.
I've been taking the public transit home after work recently and as I walk to the bus stop or wait for the bus, I can really feel the winter on my skin and in my bones!

I begun a project as soon as fall came around. I started to knit a scarf, and I actually finished it.
It is probably the first time I completed something without abandoning it mid-way or procrastinating.
So I begun to work on some other things as well.
I'll reveal them only if I actually get around to finishing them as well!
Maybe by Christmas, no later!

As I walked, I did not look back, but ahead of me I thought I caught a glimpse of a little girl - shy and precocious at first glance, then deeply saddened and hating of circumstances around her that forced her to mature so fast. She danced and laughed innocently, flickering like broken city lights in the night, then fading as the east begins to illuminate and soak the whole sky into many shades of red.
I would have considered returning to this place many times before, but when the idea would spark up, darkness clouded over it promptly. I lived so long without acknowledgment of my childhood; I spoke rarely of it, and when my thoughts would travel to it, I considered it like scenes from a movie I saw ages ago, vicariously glancing at it, nonchalantly returning back to my reality.

I walked by the old trenches yesterday; I recalled so vividly that I could almost see how Len used to scream 'Business is booming, Bren!' and run fast over, away from me and Fort. Len's foolishness would have us giggle well into class time and get us in trouble with Mrs. Skarsgard. We lived too far from school, and it would take us a long while in commute. The toil of the long walk, and the never-big-enough breakfast would make us all cranky and easily irritable that we would every so often get into nasty spats, but we would soon forget and laugh in unison again like no battle had taken place a minute or two ago. We were just like siblings out of the same womb bound together by the labyrinth that was the comfort and safety of each other.

I was never too strong physically, but what I did have was plenty of gut and talk. I would get in fights - I was completely unfit to win these physically - frequently with my classmates, and Len would most of the time win them for me.

blown away

when did we become so little left
in the wind blowing southwest
migrating in and out of where we were
so little left

thought the fire would keep burning
incinerating who we were before
while we would build onto each other
becoming one

here we are again so blown away
so little left to give, and to forgive
time earned but frozen in time
blown away

time we thought we were banking
followed blindly in stark darkness,
wishing that lights will stay off this time
wishing nonstop